So, “T”….hmmmmmmm.  Ohhhh I like this one.  T is for “topping” or “topping from the bottom”.  I am thinking that most of you out there know exactly what this is, right?!? 🙂


But just in case not, here is a simple little definition that I found and really like…“Topping from the Bottom” in its fundamental sense means just what it says- the person who’s “bottoming” (on the receiving end of sensation or activity) is actually in control of the situation, as in directing application of said sensation or activity.”   (Written by Rev @


So who among you has ever done this or felt as if likely you have?? Honestly, I don’t think it’s so strange.  I do, however, think it takes a LOT to completely and utterly give up control.


As I see it…there needs to be complete trust between you and your Partner (Mistress/Master/Dominant).  And if not, you as the submissive will likely not feel safe enough to truly relinquish this control and may indeed find yourself topping from the bottom in an effort to maintain greater control of the situation.


So, topping from the bottom…is it a bad thing? Is it frowned upon? By many in the BDSM community I would say yes.  For me, I will say that depends.  It depends on your thinking…your motives.


Maybe you and or your Partner are new to this type of play and you are both learning the ropes (pun perhaps intended) AND each other. Or maybe you’re trying to “test the waters” with Him or Her and figure out what feels OK and what does not.  And maybe even though your trust is strong, you are still feeling incredibly scared to relinquish this much control to another human being!


I totally get it!  Giving up complete control can be VERY scary!!!


However, if you’re some kind of pretender OR feel the need to challenge, or direct, or control the action and/or your Partner, then maybe you’re not truly a bottom.  Which is fine, but don’t present yourself as a true bottom.


Pretend in the play is great. Pretend in the negotiations and the relationship can be problematic. Fantasy is fantasy…but be true to your Partner.  As long as everyone is on the same page good clean (or perhaps not so clean) fun can be had by all! 🙂