I had a few ideas but what I have settled on is Unconditional Positive Regard (UPR). Yes, I know….any of you that know me well or at least reasonably well are not surprised that I want to talk about something such as this. And you probably realize that I just can’t help myself….it’s the counselor in me that needs to be fed, lol! 🙂
So, what does unconditional positive regard really mean???
‘Well, at it’s most basic level it means that you respect that other person as a human being with agency to choose how to respond to their situation. And that no matter how dangerous or dysfunctional they seem to be, you believe that they are doing their best.’
‘UPR therefore means valuing the person as doing their best to move forward in their lives constructively and respecting the person’s right to self-determination, no matter what they choose to do.’
‘It does not mean that you need to like the person or approve of what they do. Nor does it mean that you have to simply put up with what they do if you see it as dangerous in some way.’
Stephen Joseph Ph.D.
So why the heck are we talking about UPR anyway, you might be thinking?!? Well, I guess because it’s so important to me. And if I think about it, UPR is really at the core of my being. It’s part and parcel of how I see the world. And in turn, how I think and feel about all of YOU! I care about you and I respect you. I want you to be healthy, and happy, and productive, and feel loved, and at peace with yourself and your world.
Wouldn’t the world be a happier place if more people could show each other unconditional positive regard?!? I certainly do think so!!
This needs to happen at place I work at. I’m not getting the respect or credit I feel. The co workers/managers are so wrapped in the work they don’t care about much else. We all have to work but you need balance as you can’t work all the time. It’s not if I leave the store but when. It’s burning me out and they have it in for me. I can’t nor will work in a place like this. It’s only because my family has business otherwise I would’ve been long gone.
This happened also to me with one of my girlfriends. In last post I mentioned what happened on our date last week and she brought this up to me 3 days ago. I mentioned that I had fun with her friend who I have hots for and I shouldn’t have done this being with her for dinner. She mentioned that all 3 are tight and that she loves both of us but said I made her feel small and kick her to curve. She was right. She said she wants to know more about me aside from tennis and I agreed as I said I want to know more about her. She opened up and was honest with me. I apologized to her and luckily she accepted. I mentioned that we should go out more often with us and her to get away from tennis and that’s it’s important that we do this. Since she was honest with me I feel I need to be honest with her as its not if she finds out about my dressing but when. Tears will be flowing when j do tell her this. I ts one of her friends I’ll do what ever her and girl I have hots for I’ll do what they want and ask with out protest/raising my voice and yelling and she overheard this and said she’s looking for boyfriend like this. I think I’m the one. I want to be in female lead relationship. I feel with her saying this she has hots for me and wants to turn friendship into relationship.
Thank You Goddess for another thought provoking and introspective post. You are so right about the world being a better place if all practiced this concept. Being human though, i find it a admirable goal, yet know there are some in my life that makes this unfeasable, even regarding my own self image. Thanks for letting me share more on this topic during our wonderful convetsation this morning.
It was so wonderful to talk about this with you the other day, kneel. It is absolutely NOT easy especially with certain people in our lives who make it feel nearly impossible. Both of us and I suspect many have at least one person in our lives who we might truly wonder….”Are they really doing their best?!?” Thanks for taking the time, kneel. I so appreciate YOU!!! 🙂
Mandy, this entry is so totally and absolutely you! The concept of universal regard comes through in every conversation or exchange of thoughts I’ve had with you. I like to think it is part of my worldview also, although I’ve never heard of this particular phrase.
Looking forward to talking to you SOON!
Hi Princess! Thanks so much for your sweet words!! I feel that you do show UPR with me always and it’s wonderful!! I am so looking forward to speaking with you…can’t wait! 🙂